Hi my name is kenneth you can call me ken as a teenager  some us were facing big struggle in our lives that lead us to depression. Im a senior Highs School student and i dont want to fail my parents nor dissapoint them.

This story happened a year ago when i entered a school i thought everthing was easy before until i realized how hard life is.  one of my mistakes is to enter into a relationship i focused on my studies before until i lost my self because of that relationship i forgot how to control my self. i was wondering why my partner always blaiming me on everything even the worlds problem, my first priority was study but my partner always want my attention thats why i put aside my study for her but i was wrong.

I thought everything will be alright after i did that decision. I forgot how to respect my parents because i changed a lot  but the most painful thing that i didnt noticed was my parents was protecting me all the time from my partner they kept on saying to me that she's not good for me but i ignored them because i thought that is love, i thought fighting for someone is always right but i was wrong. so my depression start to attacked me that time because my partner wants to brake up with me and i cant accept it, i tried to beg for her to stay because i cant afford to lose her cause i thought shes the only one who undestands me but i was wrong. After the day we broke up half of our house was swallowed by fire and i was in my room that time crying because i cant still accept it and im also hurting my self to the point that i want to kill this body of mine . My parents was in another house that time it was morning  and everyone was sleeping the fire spread fast until it reach my room but my parents ran to me and knocked my door shouting at me that theres a fire and they cried at me saying that they're glad that im safe but the truth is i already know that theres a fire and im just pretending that im sleeping while they're knocking the door because i lost my hope that time and i really want to disappear from this world that full of pain.

After that day i kept on hurting my self, my father was with me that time he looked at me all night doing his best to comfort me. I lost my fashion, my confidence and my self esteem. To the point that i blamed god about everthing that im experiencing that time. Depression is so  hard for everyone i wish i can turn back the time when i was a kid because a kid has no problem and the only thing that they will do is to play. I was a fool because i blamed god to my own problem. November 1 the day that we should attend church my dad was so stressed in work and i was sleeping that time because i always sleep late for some reasons. he tried to wake me up but i didnt want to  so because of his anger  he threw my phone on wall again and again until  it turn into pieces. I was shocked that time because i dont get it why he do that so i my mind started to break down and the only thing left in my mind was  i should dissapear because im a failure, i started to think everything that i did wrong to my parents i told my dad that time that "instead of breaking my phone why not do that thing to me kill me instead". My father replied " I dont know what to do anymore to help you out im sorry i did that because of my anger , im sorry i was not able to save you. i was your father but i couldn't do anything , my son was there crying everynight fighting for his life, im sorry i was not a good father to you i wish you did not grow up and remain as a kid because that time i can still play with you , help you when you're crying, that time i can still bring you everywhere but now i cant even say that i need you to come with me because you're a teenager  now and you have your own life ." That time everything was change i feel like the pain that i am carrying for a long time was nothing compare to what my father feel.

After i heard those word to him suddenly my mind gets calm and i feel like something strange pulling me into my darkest fear, something bright saying " im always love you , im always here for you, you're never be alone because you have us ". after that my tears suddenly come out again and i feel mix emotion that time because after this months of suffering because of my depression i finally freed my self to darkness.

After that i hugged my father saying " one day im the one who will drive the car for you and take care of you dad i love you ". Its crazy because it looks like a movie i thought that kind of situation only happens in movies but i experience it my mother suddenly came back at our house because shes at church that time while my father and i was left in house. My mother suddenly hugged me too and wipe out my tears saying " Everything will be alright i promise ". 

I know this is not part of a good news but im sharing this because i want to help someone experiencing same sutuation.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU FEEL THAT YOU'RE ALONE ALWAYS LOOK AROUND YOU BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MUCH PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE .

LOVE YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE REAL HERO WE ALL KNOW THAT PARENTS ARE SO ANNOYING SOMETIMES BUT TRUST ME THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST TO HELP US IN EVERYTHING.

LESSON LEARNED 

DONT FORGET TO LOVE YOUR SELF EVEN YOU ARE FACING BIG PROBLEM DONT LET OTHERS BRING YOU DOWN, STAY CONFIDENT.

KILLING YOURSELF DOESNT MAKE ANY CHANGES IN LIFE IT WILL JUST ADD ANOTHER PAIN AND SORROW TO OTHERS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

I HOPE THIS WILL HELP YOU GUYS ALTHOUGH WE HAVE DIFFIRENT SITUATION AND LIFE BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THE POWER OF YOU THAT YOU CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING WHEN YOU BELEIVE IN YOURSELF :)

REMEMBER : WHEN YOU ARE WEAK THATS THE TIME YOURE STRONG  I KNOW THIS WORD IS TOO DEEP BUT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN :)