1. consider Yourself Less
Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

Thoughtful words from C.S. Lewis, but do they equate to real world happiness? Our self-esteem may be a little bit of a difficult topic, because current research on self-esteem paints a really inconsistent picture: it seems that prime self-esteem is certainly associated with happiness, but it can produce other problems with the ego.

For instance, a spread of research suggests that self-esteem that's sure to external success are often a fickle beast — certain students who tied their self-esteem to their grades experienced small boosts once they received an acceptance letter (grad school), but harsh drops in self-esteem once they were rejected.

Indeed, similar findings were reported for those that base their self-esteem on career success and appearance. Conversely, those that don't tie their self-esteem as strongly to external motivators tend to possess less of a “roller coaster” of emotions to the items that happen to them, and are generally better off as a result.

Perhaps the foremost insidious danger of high self-esteem is that it can cause attention on the avoidance of failure over the search for fulfillment , which may cause a mindset that “protects” the vanity by self-handicapping so one isn’t ever seen as a failure.

(“Well, it doesn’t matter that I failed, because I wasn’t even trying…”)

Instead, find a cheerful middle ground by heeding the words of C.S. Lewis — don’t think less of yourself as an individual , but consider yourself less, focusing more on betterment of yourself for the sake of these around you, instead of for your own ego.

2. Be Busy, but Not Rushed
Easier said than done, right?

Quite true, because although the research shows that feeling “rushed” may be a one-way street to worry and unhappiness, it also notes that less and fewer people can find that happy medium of being just busy enough.

It seems strange that being very productive would cause one to be happy, but studies suggest that balanced free time is vital , as an excessive amount of boredom are often burdensome — strive for a productive life at a cushty pace.

Often find this balance, you’ll need to determine the way to say “no” to things.

Derek Sivers features a rule for things that you simply aren’t obligated to do: it either must be a “Hell Yeah!” or an easy “No.” that's , if a chance comes across your plate (and the more you diversify , the more things will), you would like to either be gung-ho about the thought , or you’ll got to say ‘no’ thereto .

3. Have 5 Close Relationships
Relationships are perhaps the foremost important thing (without exaggeration) when it involves overall life satisfaction, a minimum of for many people.

I’m not telling you as your new-age life coach, I’m telling you because I’ve seen multiple studies that show having an in depth group of individuals in your life can keep you cheerful for all times (it also can assist you live longer).

The number is usually debated, but remember that it’s not about debating the minutiae, it’s about the general lesson. I chose 5 for this subheading because it seems to be a low-end average, as listed in books like Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement.

National surveys find that when someone claims to possess 5 or more friends with whom they will discuss important problems, they're 60 percent more likely to mention that they're ‘very happy’.

I’ve yet to ascertain any compelling evidence that more friends = happier, because in any case , the standard of the people in your life matters the foremost , just make certain to acknowledge that there are many friends to be made, and maintaining alittle circle can go an extended way in making you a cheerful person.

4. Be Proactive About Your Relationships
This applies to all or any relationships, but especially together with your spouse . many evidence to suggest that a lot of relationships (especially marriages) decline over time.

So what are you able to do?

I found some interesting research from Northwester University that recommends a “21 minute” evaluation (I’ll forgive them since it’s a tutorial study) to use on a relationship.

While the study focused on marriages, one among the most important takeaways on behalf of me are often applied more universally:

How would a neutral third party view your relationship recently?

Oftentimes a relationship can go sour if you let it continue autopilot, and there are few things worse for happiness than losing an in depth companion.

Here are a couple of other findings from the literature:

Regularly check-in with good friends (around 2 weeks for very close friends).
Celebrate the great things in their life; allow them to know through active and constructive listening (ie, not just saying “that’s great to hear!”).
Don’t be a conversational narcissist. Studies show people love hearing themselves talk and talking about themselves, so allow them to .
Taking care of yourself is apart of taking care of others. during this way, your mutual dedication to improving yourself benefits both of you.

As Jim Rohn would say:

The greatest gift you'll give somebody is your own personal development. I wont to say, ‘If you'll lookout of me, i will be able to lookout of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will lookout of me for you, if you'll lookout of you on behalf of me .’

5. Move Beyond the tiny Talk
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote has certainly made it’s rounds on many an Facebook feed, but is there any truth to it?

According to one study, chitchat , rather than predicting your intelligence, may instead actually hinder your happiness.

To be fair, the researchers note that tiny talk is clearly important for smoothing into social conversations, especially with new acquaintances (“Nice to satisfy you, what’s your opinion on abortion?”).

In the future , however, a happier life eschews trivial chatter in favor of longer, more thoughtful conversations. generally , talking with others may be a good thing for our happiness, but when the conversation is usually superficial, it begins to require a toll:

…the extent of chitchat was negatively related to happiness… [and] the extent of substantive talk was positively related to happiness. So, happy people are socially engaged with others, and this engagement entails matters of substance.

Deep conversations are often those we reserve for close friends and family, which again explains why close relationships are so important for our happiness.

6. Treat Yourself (the Small Pleasures Matter)
Jokes aside about treating yo’ self, surprisingly, the research has shown that you simply got to have small wins along the way so as to be truly happy — across many various domains, happiness is more strongly related to the frequency than the intensity of people’s positive effective experiences.

This is confirmed by many studies handling SWLS (Satisfied With Life Scale), which shows that regular small pleasures had a much bigger impact on happiness than fewer larger ones. Perhaps this is often why it’s often so difficult to place off what we would like now for what we would like later, so watch out for the trap here: tough accomplishments that need to be earned oftentimes end in a happier day-to-day (working hard to urge a promotion, start a successful business, win a gift , get in shape, etc.)

In what's during a ll|one amongst|one in every of"> one among the funniest excerpts I’ve ever came across in a psychology book, Stumbling on Happiness shares this excerpt from a study that shows why the happiest people often only had 1 sexual partner within the past 12 months:

Why would people that have one partner be happier than people that have many? One reason is that multiple partners are occasionally thrilling, but regular partners are regularly enjoyable. A bi-weekly ride on a merry-go-round could also be better than an annual ride on a roller coaster.

Clearly a touch treat and consistency now then can go an extended way for your happiness while you create plans for your big goals.

7. Plan Fun, and Spend Money on Experiences
While spontaneous fun is usually an honest thing, a spread of interesting research has shown that it’s the design of future activities that always adds to the fun.

While the study above specifically checked out vacations (which might not occur often), additional research covered in Stumbling on Happiness shows that specifically planning a pleasant dinner can have an equivalent effect. In fact, Gilbert (the author) notes how most participants would actively schedule their free dinner (which they won within the study) every week beforehand , rather than subsequent night:

Why the self-imposed delay? Because by waiting every week , these people not only need to spend several hours slurping oysters and sipping Château Cheval Blanc ’47, but they also need to anticipate to all or any that slurping and sipping for a full seven days beforehand.

Not only that, but these “experiential purchases” tend to form us happier, a minimum of consistent with the research. In fact, a spread of research shows that the majority people are much more happy when buying experiences vs. buying material goods.

You’ve likely heard this before, but why is that this the case? consistent with the literature I’ve read, experiences trump material purchases (in general) for the 5 following reasons:

Experiences improve over time: an excellent experience tends to age sort of a fine wine. While researchers have noted that physical items can get old quickly (“Ugh, my phone is 2 months out of date!”), experiences are often relieved and shared for years.
People revisit experiences more often: going hand-in-hand with the above point, research shows that experiences tend to urge recalled more often. you almost certainly don’t think of that first surfboard you purchased , but it’s likely that you simply fondly remember your first surfing lesson.
Experiences are more unique: say what you would like , but people love comparing themselves, and that they like better to stand out if they’re able. Since purchases are often so common, researchers note that we are more likely to match what we buy with others (which may result in buyer’s remorse). But experiences always have a touch of a singular twist to them, so we are far less likely to form comparisons, and easily enjoy them as they're , relishing in their unique nature.
We adapt slowly to experiences: marketing research shows that one more reason why experiences seem so awesome to us is that it takes our brain longer to urge wont to them. have you ever ever felt really energized returning from an excellent show/dinner/vacation? It’s less likely that a purchased item kept you excited for that long, and it’s because we are better ready to suits material purchases.
Experiences are social: citizenry are social animals, that’s a fact. Did you recognize that true solitary is usually classified as “cruel and usual” punishment thanks to the detrimental effects it can wear the mind? Experiences get us out of our house (an epidemic in some countries) and sometimes out of our temperature , which may be a fantastic thanks to kill habituation.
8. Keep Your Eye on the Prize
You’ve likely heard of the marshmallow experiment, but a fast summary is that researchers found those children who were ready to resist the temptation of eating a marshmallow immediately (vs. expecting the researchers to return back) did notably better in some major areas of life, leaving some to conclude that delayed gratification may be a solid predictor of future success.

The research has shown that there certainly seems to be some kind of connection between delayed gratification and overall life satisfaction. People with self-control seem to be happier with life. Since delayed gratification has consistently been shown to be hooked in to the “strategic allocation of attention,” it seems apparent to me that discipline during this regard is basically hooked in to creating systems to avoid the utilization of willpower.

Walter Mischel, leader researcher for the Stanford marshmallow experiment, had this to mention about how people get discipline and willpower all wrong:

The kids who couldn’t delay would often have the principles backwards. they might think that the simplest thanks to resist the marshmallow is to stare right at it, to stay an in depth eye on the goal. But that’s a terrible idea. If you are doing that, you’re getting to ring the bell before I leave the space .

You should also know that the patient children did the opposite: rather than obsessing over the marshmallow, they distracted themselves by covering their eyes, pretending to play hide-and-seek underneath the desk, or singing songs from “Sesame Street.” Their desire never seemingly left them, it had been simply ignored and forgotten.

If you’re brooding about the marshmallow and the way delicious it's , then you’re getting to eat it.

If you recall my article on building good habits, you’ll find the research lines up quite nicely with this — the simplest thanks to confirm you stick with the straight and narrow path that you simply desire is to line up barriers to stop you from going astray — like guard rails on a bowling lane.

Just like the youngsters within the experiment, you'll get yourself a far better payoff and live a more fulfilling life if you'll avoid compulsive distractions, but you would like to recollect that the key is in making them easy to avoid, not in powering through with willpower.

This means hiding the snacks call at a shelf within the garage, rather than within the clique you frequent most.

9. Show Some Appreciation
Psychology doesn’t always tell us what we would like to listen to , so it’s nice when an honest deed lines up with an excellent personal benefit.

I was happy to seek out this study that showcased how showing gratitude for somebody (or even for what you have) boosted happiness by a clear level. The researchers say 25%, but again, we’re debating minutiae, the important thing is that it worked.

How can this realistically be applied though?

Another study found that writing thank-you notes (or just a pleasant letter) was an efficient method of accelerating happiness and life satisfaction. There are tons of fringe benefits to the present also — people rarely get handwritten notes much anymore, in order that they stand out over a “thnx” via text.

Handwritten letters also are an excellent thanks to start the method of reciprocity. Though you ought to be sending them out of sincere appreciation for somebody , remember that true networking (not the slimy card kind) is about helping and letting people know that they interest you.

10. Observe Happiness in Others
This one was really interesting.

Most folks wish to think we are unique snowflakes, but sometimes things are popular for a reason. In fact, research suggests that the simplest thanks to predict what proportion we'll enjoy an experience is to ascertain what proportion somebody else enjoyed it.

In one study, researchers found that ladies were ready to reduce the inaccuracy of predicting what proportion fun they’d wear a speed date by reading a rating left by a previous women. In other words, learning about someone else’s experience may be a much better way for us to internally evaluate if we'll enjoy it also .

11. Change Your Perspective
In one study researchers found that the straightforward act of listing 3 goodies that happened that day (no matter how small) increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms.

Furthermore, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes (and avoiding a pessimistic outlook) really can cause you to feel better about your situation. Perhaps most interestingly, a change in sight can have a very big impact on your overall happiness.

It’s known that “the bad stuff” often outweighs the great in our minds, so psychologists like Timothy Wilson have suggested how perspective changes can help us out when times get rough:

…we prompted students to reinterpret their academic problems from a belief that they couldn’t cut it in college to the view that they simply needed to find out the ropes. the scholars who got this prompt — compared to an impact group that didn’t — got better grades subsequent year and were less likely to drop out.

So the next time you hear advice that you simply should believe yourself and appreciate what you've got , know that it’s not as superficial because it might sound .

12. Pick a Skill; Master It
Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.

As it seems , regularly engaging in your signature strengths (is that not the foremost stereotypical positive psychology term ever?) may be a good way to feel better about yourself.

The long and in need of it's that you simply should find something to excel in, and roll in the hay as often as you'll .

I know, this is often one among the more generic ones on this list, but I hope it is some food for thought for renaissance men and ladies — you'll certainly still dabble in many things, but giving one skill/task/achievement enough time for mastery may leave an exceptional experience in itself.

You should also know the research has suggested that mastering a skill could also be even as stressful as you would possibly think. Researchers found that although the method of becoming proficient at something took it’s toll on people within the sort of stress, participants reported that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied once they looked back on their day as an entire .

13. Aim High
Recently, I ran across a stimulating little bit of information from the book Engineering Happiness:

In his studies, the psychologist Jonathan Freedman claimed that folks with the power to line objectives for themselves — both short-term and long-term — are happier.

I’ve read additional research (here and here) that seems to copy this finding: goals really do seem to feature a way of meaning, direction, and focus to life which will easily become absent if we don’t have anything we are currently striving for (“Life may be a journey, not a destination,” so to speak).

Research by psychologist Richard Davidson would also suggest that creating progress on a concrete goal doesn’t just activate positive feelings, but also can debar negative emotions, including fear and (non-clinical) depression.

According to another study, researchers found that setting ambitious goals tends to form people happier. You shouldn’t go too overboard (trillionaire status, let’s do this), but know that big goals are often a crucial element of getting people occupation the primary place.