A lot can happen in five years. I've been doing this "five years" self-reflection since I started my "what am I going to do with my life" crisis. To peg achievements in the form of monetary gain is no longer fulfilling. I've gotten most of my teenage dreams fulfilled (new laptop, new phone, new set of friends, more spending money, make-up etc.), and I am left with that feeling of doubt. What now? Bigger things? like a car? a house? multiple trips abroad? 

And then there's family. This you cannot control. You can't just magically wish an ideal partner by your side, nor do I want to pay for one. I was given the default list of achievements by my parents, thinking that this alone would solve my need to succeed. Now that I am of age and not hitting any of the so-called achievements on the list, I begin to doubt. What is wrong with me?

So in terms of living another five years (given this pandemic, it's a wish we all hope for.), I realized that only one thing makes me feel accomplished.

This is whenever I get better.

Better, in terms of being kinder. 
Better in terms of being more patient.
Better in terms of being more loving.
More hopeful.
More optimistic.
More helpful.
More creative.
More eager.
More thoughtful.
More concerned.

And when I see how I have changed from before, I know. 

And THAT puts a smile on my face.

I want to get better. I want to BE better.

Hiraiya Manawari.