I thought my fears was just of the heights, spiders, cockroaches, bugs, and snakes. But I was wrong. My greatest fear was losing myself and not finding my purpose.  

I don't want this to be a sad story, I want this to be a lesson and a good read for everyone. 

I knew this when I had my first heartbreak. I got lost of myself. I did online dating, played boys, ghosted people, ruined friendships and even broke my parent's trust. At first I thought I was just getting out of my comfort zone, getting confident, changing my looks, keeping up to what is trending, and even drawn myself to bad habits. Then, I started smoking when I was just in grade 10. Nobody ever knew until my classmate saw me. Smoking became my escape from my heartbreak, it lightens everything when I smoke. In the midst of losing myself, I lost so many friends too. I'd go talk to their back and talk bad about them to other people, it made me feel superior; people knowing I know their secrets and telling to other people, it was my immature joy back then. I also lost my parent's trust. After knowing I had a boyfriend without them knowing really got them mad and never allowed me to go out after months. I even had my grades at its worst and even made my parents become more strict to me.

To be honest, up until now I still haven't found myself to who I was before all of that. I still can't overcome to the fear of how I was before and to who I am now. All my take out to what happened is that, everyday I make myself better to who I was yesterday. Though I haven't seem to find how I will overcome it, I only think and hope for one thing and that is to be better everyday. Sometimes I wonder, maybe that's why we don't immediately find our purpose maybe because it's our 'forever' goal in this world, to find who we are because it's only way to become better each day.

Let's not take on someone just because we don't know our purpose. Finding our purpose in life can take forever but that doesn't mean we will be finding it forever. Sometimes we don't know we are already living to our purpose and we are not just aware of it. So please be careful and be kind always and in all ways. 

Also, hiding what you fear is not cool, being afraid is a valid reason. There's nothing wrong of being afraid of something or having fear of something. We are born with it, we are acquired to it and we are alive because of it. Fears are part of our lives that are meant to make us stronger. Don't hide your fears because your fears are what makes you a whole person. Learn to overcome it. If you can't fight it scared! Remember that! 

How 'bout you what is your Greatest fear? Comment down below or post it here! I'd be happy to ready it 🙆

-JubilantWoman🤗